Approximately 5 Trillion Snowflakes

   Yesterday morning I came to the realization that the phrase "2 hour delay" has a unique ability to continuously excite me despite my increasing age. Although my excitement over snow days of any kind is probably more subdued than it was in my childhood, it is one thing that has remained the same throughout my life. Snow days in general have always felt special to me. I just love the fact that despite all of the things we humans have accomplished and the power we feel that we have, sometimes we just have to stop everything because there's snow falling from the sky, and there's not much we can do about it. It's like a silent but significant reminder about who's really in control.
      Although I may hesitate at my age to admit it,  I have never stopped being amazed by the fact that no two snowflakes are alike. Since the beginning of time, in every snowstorm in every time period in every place in the world, every single snowflake has been unique. At the risk of having to do unnecessary math, I'm just going to call that "a lot of snowflakes" Probably more than 5 trillion, I think. Numbers make me nervous, so

Shamelessly over-edited picture of the small amount of snow that inspired this post.

let's move on. Knowing that God has created snowflakes so intricately and uniquely, even though they melt away after a short period of time, makes me realize that everything he does is intentional. Like a snowflake, I am designed in a specific way for a specific reason, even if I don't understand what that reason is yet.
     As I grow older, I sometimes forget, or don't allow myself, to take time to be exited by simple things like snow days. But when I really stop and think about it, I realize that these things that seem so simple are really the things that make life exiting. After all, you're never to old for a 2 hour delay!

College is Hard and the Microwave is Broken

     Monday
While  I was attempting to come up with an inspiring topic to write about tonight, my roommate returned from being gone for the weekend and we had quite a nice catching up conversation complete with her kindly letting me borrow a textbook until the one that I ordered arrives. It was quite a nice moment, the kind might happen in a movie about college life.
     Five minutes later, we were standing in the kitchen trying to figure out why the microwave, which worked perfectly fine before Christmas break, will no longer turn on. When our grand plan of unplugging it and plugging it back in didn't work (shocking really) , we decided that it's to late to do anything about it right now, and that we will revisit the problem tomorrow.
     This sudden change of events, while maybe not the most exciting thing to read about, reminded me about how unexpectedly challenging college life, and really life in general, can be. One minute everything is a fun adventure, and the next minute nothing is working right and you have to get serious and figure things out.
     Sometimes I find myself wondering if college is supposed to be this hard, or if maybe I'm just working with a slow brain. I know plenty of people who are college graduates and seem to have made it through without permanent damage, so is it just me that's confused most of the time?  I mean, I've been to church my whole life, so shouldn't I already understand the Social History of Christianity? Apparently not.

Tuesday
Instead of scrapping the unfinished blog I wrote last night, I decided to just add on to it in an attempt to be inspiring. It is Tuesday now, and the microwave is still broken, but it turns out it's really not that big of an inconvenience yet and will hopefully be fixed soon. Also, that class I was complaining about wasn't to bad today, I might know more than I realized. I think I will always struggle with feeling like I'm not quite smart

enough, that is something I need to work on. But today I did what I needed to do without giving up, and along the way I even learned the definition of primogeniture, which is such a fun word to say. The only thing that's really different today than yesterday is my attitude, but the difference is profound. Life can be hard sometimes, but maybe instead of waiting for the day when it will be easier, maybe it's time to start enjoying life in spite of the difficult moments. I don't believe that we can't stop all of our negative emotions simply by thinking positively, but it does help. Hard days will happen, but so will easy ones.  It's really all about attitude.

Failing Successfully

     When I was in fourth grade, I won a writing contest. I wrote something about Jamestown, I don't remember exactly what. What I do remember is that even at that young age, this recognition made me feel smart. When I was in sixth grade, a teacher told me that I would probably never be good at math, which she seemed surprised and disappointed by because she taught my brother who is very good at math . I don't remember her exact words, but I remember feeling stupid. Last week, I helped a child with a math problem, and I watched as the right answer was discovered after my explanation. It was not until that moment, about seven years after that comment was made, that I finally let it go.
    I am still good at writing, and still bad at math. Since the sixth grade, I have had many more academic successes and failures, I got through high school with an average GPA, and was able to get into a college that I can hopefully eventually transfer out of to get to a four year school. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but sometimes I compare myself to my peers who seem to be moving along much quicker and with less difficulty than me, and I wonder if I even belong in college. Sometimes, I still feel like that young impressionable sixth grader who just couldn't figure it out.
    But when I really stop to think about it, I realize that I'm still carrying around failures and insecurities from the past, and they're blocking out all of the successes. Yes, sometimes I feel like I will one day be 95 years old and still in college math, but at least I can say that I did graduate from high school and I did get into college.I have gotten perfect scores on college papers and passed plenty of tests that didn't exactly qualify as easy.  I also passed sixth grade math, which at the time I wasn't sure was even possible. So while I'm navigating through the adventure of obtaining a college degree, I will work on seeing myself not as the sixth grader ready to give up on math and be an illegal middle school drop out, but as the confident college student who can help a child with a math problem and will one day pass all of the necessary classes and obtain a degree, just like she passed sixth grade math years ago.

Just Say No

As I was deciding on my first blog worthy topic of 2015, I had a short period of writers block which I attempted to cure with internet research. As I was browsing through "new year" related blog topic ideas, I came across a list of suggested resolutions which included "say yes more", and it gave me an idea. What if I turned that around and decided to "say no more" ?That sounds ridiculous at first, but I can explain my reasoning.

Yes is a nice word that can lead to terrific things, but it's easy to forget that we don't have to, and sometimes shouldn't, say yes to everything. I was reminded recently how inspiring it is when someone, after much thought and prayer, says no to something that is not right for them. It's easy to convince ourselves that if we are going to live a lifestyle that reflects our beliefs, we must show the world how strong our faith is by saying yes to everything that comes our way and trusting that God will make it all work out. We often forget that it is God who equipped us with the ability to say no.

Thinking about this, I began to realize that sometimes saying no to something is a way of saying yes to something else. By saying no to the things that are not right for us, even if they are honorable things, we allow more time and space in our lives for the things we are individually called to say yes to. It's not easy, because

saying no can cause you to feel guilty, but maybe it's time to let go of that guilt. What will you say no to this year?

Because People are People

     There are certain things that make me think about the children I met in Honduras even more than I usually would, and Christmas is one of them. As much as I love this season, it is very hard for me to know that children across the world, like the ones I met in Honduras, won't get to experience the kind of Christmas that I have been fortunate to have experienced for my whole life. I don't mean to be a Scrooge, but I am old enough to know that if parents or other caring adults aren't around, Santa is not going to show up and produce a perfect Christmas. That's just how it is, and it makes me sad.
      Thinking about this reminded me of a topic I already covered a while ago, but I want to revisit it now because I think I have a better answer. As a person who has been on a mission trip outside of this country, I know that many people are aware of the fact that there are people who need help right here in the United States, and wonder why some people like me choose to go outside of the country for a mission trip. I think I am ready to answer that question again, hopefully more clearly this time.
    People are people. Americans and Hondurans and all other nationalities are people, and I believe that God wants us to help people. We as humans like to put ourselves into all kinds of groups, diving ourselves up by nationality, age, and many other things, but I don't think God does that. He simply wants us to help each other, and we shouldn't put limitations on that. Yes, I went and tried to help children in Honduras for ten days, but that doesn't mean I'm done. I am trying to make it a habit to help the people around me in my everyday life, and I am eagerly awaiting the chance to go on another mission trip, no matter what country it ends up being in.
     In two days, I will experience another Christmas like I have every year of my life. I will open many gifts, and probably have moments where I focus on those gifts a little too much. But in the back of my mind I will keep the children who don't get to have a Christmas like mine, and remember how they taught me why it is so important to help whenever you can, no matter where you are or who you may encounter.

Attention Seeker

I guess it's no secret at this point that much of what I write about is centered around what I believe. I wish I could say that I planned it that way, but it really is just something that happened when I started to write about what was on my mind. However it may have started, I have tried to continue writing about what I think and feel about whatever is going on in my life in a way that relates to what I believe. In keeping with this strategy, I was unsure about how to begin writing about something that has been on my mind lately, and needed some inspiration to get me started. So when I began planning how to write this post by half seriously Googling the question "Is it okay for Christians to want attention?" I admit that I felt pretty guilty when the top search results included an article called "Seek Impact, Not Attention" and a reference to 1 Corinthians 10:24 "No one should seek his own good, but the good of others" Definitely not the validation I was secretly hoping for. But along with the guilt came a feeling of frustration. You see, lately I have at times felt a little selfish. I feel like I work hard to be a good friend to others, and I try to always be there when people need me. Unfortunately I have had to begin learning that you cannot buy the attention of others by giving them  your attention. No matter how good of a listener you are, and how many times you go out of your way to be supportive, you cannot guarantee that people will return the favor. Sometimes, instead of feeling the satisfaction of friendships that have an equal give and take, you might find yourself burnt out from to much giving and not enough taking.  So what can be done when this happens? Must we seek only the good of others at all times, even if it is damaging to our own well being?
     I had a surprising moment of clarity recently when I was talking to a two year old and realized it was the best conversation I had experienced in a while. Sure, we were talking about trains and favorite colors and other arbitrary things, but the content of the conversation isn't what made it a good one. You see, no matter how trivial it was, he was fully focused on our conversation. I think children that young are fun to talk to because they still know how to be in the moment. They don't promise to "talk to you soon" in some fictional time when they will no longer be busy. They're not thinking about someone else they'd rather be talking to, or plans they have later. They're not checking their phones or looking at the clock. They're focused on the

conversation they're having in the present, and I think there's something significant about that. I realized that a conversation like that, where the other person was fully focused and interactive, was just what I needed.
     After doing a lot of thinking, I have decided to try to let go of my guilt about needing attention. I can't exactly find any biblical backup for this decision, but I still feel at peace about it. I know that I should work for the good of others, and I believe that I do. But I also know that even Jesus had a group of 12 disciples  who were also his friends, and I don't think that's entirely coincidence. I think maybe that in the midst of all of the good He was doing, the fact that he was on earth as a human meant that he needed people to support him, and to be his friends so that he didn't become exhausted from all of that giving he was doing. So I guess it's okay to expect your friends to take on the listening and supporting role sometimes, so that you can be refreshed and better prepared to be supportive the next time someone needs you to be.

Nothing Extraordinary

     This is my 100th post on this blog. I thought I would come up with something profound and memorable to acknowledge this personal milestone, but the truth is, my brain is not functioning at it's full potential. Finals were rough this semester, three in one day followed by the longest one the next day. Anyway, pity party aside, I'm just not full of writing inspiration at the moment due to my brain feeling overworked, and I'm having trouble thinking of anything extraordinary to say.
     I know that I'm proud that I've been able to think of 100 things to write about, and what I'm most proud of is that people seem to be reading because they actually want too, not just to be polite. When people tell me that they can relate to something I have written, I realize why I love to write.
      In the time it's taken me to write these 100 posts, I have not become a famous, well known writer. My posts have not gone viral and ended up all over the internet, and as far as I know no one is calling me America's new favorite blogger. From that perspective, there's nothing extraordinary about this blog. It's just an amateur endeavor, more practice than anything. But beyond that, it has enabled me to really connect with people, and it has made me grow confident in my own abilities, and that is significant to me.
     No, I really don't have any extraordinary wisdom to impart to commemorate this milestone. But as I think about my favorite books (I know this isn't a book but hear me out), it occurs to me that most of the best things I have read are the best because they inspire me and make me think, not because they are elaborate and complex. All I know is that although there may be no tangible evidence that this blog fits the definition of extraordinary, it has helped me realize my own potential, and I believe it has meant something to those who have read it, and it seems to me that perhaps those are the greatest goals any writer can hope to achieve.