Monday, March 16, 2015

Be Brave

I really like this, because sometimes the things that make
me the most afraid tun out to be the best things.
     I like to think that there aren't many things that I'm afraid of. I used to think I was afraid of flying, until I did fly and discovered that I actually really like it. I still  get nervous in hospitals because many of the memories I have about them are unpleasant, but I've gotten to the point where even surgery is more of an annoyance than anything. True, there are many fears that I have gotten over, but there is one that still stubbornly remains no matter what, and that is the fear of disappointment.
     I have been thinking about this ever since a few days ago when I was considering looking into something that I knew could easily end in disappointment, and someone told me to be brave. It's ironic how someone like me who now has an irrational lack of hesitation at the thought of travelling to all kinds of places and refuses to go higher than 6 on that ridiculous hospital pain scale, needs to be reassured about trying to do something that should actually be fun.
     It has taken me a long time to learn that I am not actually doing a good thing by questioning myself every time I start to get excited about something. Sure, I may be preventing myself from being disappointed, but I may also be preventing myself from doing lots of good things. That attitude sounds a lot like living in fear, which is not how I am called to live.
I really don't like disappointment, I'm pretty sure no one does. But I am starting to realize that I also don't like living in fear, because honestly it's exhausting trying to keep my guard up all the time. I think it's time to start getting rid of that spirit of fear, because it's really not doing much for me.

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