Sunday, July 3, 2016

Someone Else

     It's taken me a long time to write a post updating you about my progress in planning my trip to Togo, and I think that's because I've been trying to make it sound perfect. I've been waiting for the moment when my excitement, which is still very real, collides with a moment of deep inspiration so I can tell you a beautiful story that leaves you feeling warm and fuzzy. But right now, I'm just the right amount of tired to be a little bit too honest and tell it like it is.
     Organizing fundraisers is not a skill that comes naturally to me. I feel uncomfortable asking people for money, and I'm naturally introverted and feel out of place in the spotlight. I'm not a good organizer, and I seem to learn best by a frustrating process of elimination of doing something wrong over and over again until I finally get it right. I'm very lucky to have a supportive church family and lots of kind friends who are gracious enough to look past all of my imperfections and never point out the fact that someone else could probably do this better. In fact, I can think of lots of people who would do it better, and I have been thinking about that a lot.
  But God did not call someone else to do this. I'm the one who feels called to go to Togo, and tonight I realized the one thing that has never changed through all the discouragement of accepting my shortcomings is my belief that this calling is very real. For some reason, God has decided that this scattered, unsure mess that I am is worthy of this important mission. He does not seem to care that someone else could do it better. He wants me, and I am so excited about that.
So, forgive me if my attempts at fundraising and preparing for this trip seem like a big mess. This is my first time going on a mission trip without a whole team of people, and it is a learning process. I have made many mistakes, and I am sure there will be plenty more before it's all over. But everything I've ever heard about the grace of God makes me feel confident that no matter how many mistakes I make along the way, He will not take this mission away from me simply because someone else could do it better. I have to believe that the One who created me must know me well enough to know what's right for me, so I will continue doing my best and trust that He will take care of the rest.

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