Sunday, January 17, 2016

It's Behind You!

     For as long as I can remember, I've always tried to be good. I can honestly say that's true with few exceptions, even if my motives for being good and my interpretation of what good actually is have faltered at times. I was the kind of child who always wanted teachers and every other authority figure to like me. The only time I was ever sent to the principal's office in elementary school I was terrified, but soon relieved to discover that I was only being notified that I would be having lunch with the principal because of my good behavior. The first time I was ever called disrespectful by a teacher I was a senior in high school, and to this day I can barely talk about it without presenting a lengthy defense about how I was unjustly accused. I don't know exactly what caused my desire to be good, but it unfortunately coexists with the idea that good things should happen to me because of my own goodness.
     Less than 6 months from reaching my 21st birthday,I am starting to wonder if I benefited at all from my efforts to be good. When I distanced myself from people who were making bad decisions, I only became lonely. It is starting to feel like the only recognition I will ever receive for all my "good girl" efforts is a standardized letter from our insurance company, noting my safe driving habits and reminding me to continue to be responsible even after I reach the supposedly reckless age of 21. I must admit that sometimes I feel like the only thing I did by trying to be good was become lonely.
      Today I came to church with these thoughts on my mind. As I have at times before, I was getting tired of being what I consider good, because I don't feel like I'm benefiting from it. As I sat and tried to listen to the sermon, I was unaware of what was happening outside. I was focused on what was in front of me, not around or behind. The only person who could see the beauty that was unfolding was the one facing our direction as he spoke to us. As we were about to leave, he told us about the snow we couldn't see, but it wasn't until I got outside that I witnessed it's beauty with my own eyes.
     Maybe, like the snow that fell this morning, the rewards of my efforts are something I can't see yet. But God can see what's around and behind me, because He can see everything. So, I know that as long as I stay focused on Him, the good things will come. They may take far longer than I would prefer, but they will come.

Galatians 6:9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

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