Monday, September 8, 2014

Allowing Imperfection

     Well. I'm less than a month into the semester and already feeling stressed. The harsh truth has been realized once again ; college is hard. Tests and quizzes are starting to appear on the horizon, and the permanent weight they carry has settled it's looming presence into the back of my mind. The gravity of college has sunk in yet again. There's no second chance after this, you either succeed and get the career you want, or you don't and you have to figure something else out. Maybe that's slightly over-dramatic, but that's basically how I feel. Anyway, I know that this is a make or break time for me, and I just want to take it seriously and not miss this opportunity to accomplish my goals. So, the reason I'm saying all of this is that I have something to tell you.
     No, I'm not stopping the blog, I'm having too much fun to do that. I'm simply deciding not to let this hobby that I've created be detrimental to my education. For this reason, I am going to free myself from the guilt of not keeping up my every other day schedule. As much as I would love for this blog to be a viral sensation, that's simply not what it is and I need to put things of higher importance first. I sincerely hope that I will still have readers, but if I don't I have to be okay with it. Another reason I've decided to cut back is one I can't figure out how to express in a completely polite way, so please forgive me.
      I am 19 years old and enjoying the independence of being a college student, and I simply don't want to feel like half the population of my hometown is looking over my shoulder at every moment. Let's just say when I started this blog a while back and told my parents about it, they already knew, which shows me how little privacy I actually have when I share my thoughts openly. I am not mad that they knew, because
obviously it is something I want to share with them, I just didn't need anyone's help with the sharing. I am just shocked how quickly word gets around and that reminds me how little privacy I have. I am happy to share my insight with you, but I am just a confused young adult and this blog is how I express my feelings and work through the things that plague my overactive mind. It is not a complete representation of my entire life, just a little glimpse into some of my thoughts. In other words, there is more to me than just this blog. There are many thoughts that I do not share, because at my age it's good to have some privacy. I'm so very happy that you enjoy reading it and I hope that you will continue to read it. I just can't handle both the pressure of college and the pressure I put on myself to prove to all of the people that read this that God has some great big plan for me . Some people seem to be under the impression that this is "wise spiritual insight" , and although I really wish it were, I think it would be better described as angst and confusion. After all, I am a 19 year old college student, not a biblical prophet.
     All of this rambling doesn't really mean a whole lot for you as a reader. I've already been off of my every other day schedule for a while, and no one has complained. I'm simply allowing myself to be free from the pressure of trying to prove anything, and I think that will only make my writing better. I will return to writing freely about what I feel and think when I have the time, and try to accept that it will be imperfect. If you happen to gain some insight from it then that will make me happier than you know.

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