Sunday, September 21, 2014

What If

When I started a blog, I really had no idea that I would talk about my faith so much. I just wanted to write about what I felt like writing about on a regular basis, and that's what was on my mind most of the times I sat down to write. I think the main reason my faith comes up so much in my writing is because I constantly question it. I am envious of people who seem very strong in their faith and don't feel the need to question things often, because my very personality seems to be one of constant questioning. I had a teacher when I was younger who refused to answer questions that began with "What if", and if I remember correctly, I don't think I asked questions in that class very often. Questioning things and wondering about all of the possibilities and "what if's" is part of who I am, and I think that's part of what makes me a good writer (if I can call myself that for a brief second.)
I say all of that because I'm trying to lead up to what I've been questioning and over thinking lately; the accessibility of God. I know that God gives people free will to believe or not to, but I always wonder why he doesn't make Himself known in a more physical way so that everyone would believe in Him more easily. For instance, if God really wants us to believe in Him, why doesn't he come down here and visit us every now and then? It sounds silly, but wouldn't it be nice to sit down and have a conversation over lunch with Him? Or even just call him up or text him when we don't understand something? Call me juvenile, but I feel like that would make things so much easier.
     I can't say that I've completely figured out the answer to this one yet, in fact I know I haven't, but I do have some ideas. Maybe if God were more physically present, my faith wouldn't really mean that much. It's pretty easy to believe in something that's right in front of you, after all. But having to rely on prayer to talk to God, and faith because I can't actually see him, that's a little harder. Because I can't just pick up the phone and call God, the moments when I really feel a connection with him are something I often have to make an effort to achieve, and they're very significant. I'm a long way from fully understanding God, but I'm starting to realize that it's silly to try to completely define him by the earthly standards that my mind can grasp. I have to rely on my constantly wavering faith and remember that this life is a process, and only the beginning of what God has in store. I don't know all of the answers, and there's got to be a good reason for that.

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