Sunday, July 20, 2014

Recovery Ramblings

I haven't kept up with my original goal of writing every other day lately, but that's okay with me for two reasons. One, because I have been recovering from surgery and taking medicine for different things, and I'm not sure that anything I write under the influence of Benadryl will actually make sense. The second reason is that I needed time to deal with the fact that I wasn't going to Honduras, and my feelings about that aren't quite ready to be expressed effectively. But today a thought has come to me that I think is a good one to talk about to help me get back in the habit of writing consistently.
 Throughout this surgery and recovery, and all of my previous ones, lots of people have expressed their concern for me in different ways. Many people have sent cards, which I enjoy receiving and find encouraging to read. Others have come to visit which is fun for me and also a nice distraction from the daily process of recovering. Even more have expressed their concern to my parents when they see them. But despite all of this kindness that has been shown to me,  I have allowed myself to become very selfish and judgmental. Instead of being thankful for the people who have shown that they care in the ways they know how, I have sometimes been critical of how people act or do not act towards me during this time. Maybe my feelings are just too easily hurt, but I often find it easier to notice what people did not do instead of what they did. I forget sometimes that even though having to have surgery and not go to Honduras was a very big deal to me, the world did not stop because of it. It's the middle of the summer when lots of people are very busy, and life did not pause for everyone just because I was going through this. When my world is slowing down because I need to recover, I tend to forget that the rest of the world is still moving at it's regular pace.
Some of the many nice cards that have
been sent to me during the past week
I guess what I'm trying to say, in my rambling long-winded way, is that I appreciate being cared about, and it is significant to me that so many people have taken the time to show that they care in many different ways. It is hard for me to be positive about this situation, which is probably why I am so quick to judge and only notice the things that aren't so good. But in the end, I really do have a lot of people that care about me, and although I don't always notice it like I should, when I stop focusing on how I wish things were and accept how they actually are, that makes me feel very good.

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