When I was younger, whenever I stayed home sick from school, I always ended up watching The Price is Right. I remember on particular game on the show in which the contestant had to guess the price of a product by saying the phrase "That's too much!" when they thought the number shown was higher than the price of the product. The host would always try to get them excited so that they would say this phrase with certainty, and as a child I thought the way these people yelled "That's too much" , placing emphasis on the too as they yelled into the microphone, was pretty funny. Well the past few days, there have been some moments when I have wished someone would hand me a microphone so I could declare to the world "That's too much!"
Coming home for spring break was a welcome event, I have gotten to see friends I've been away from and spend time doing fun things instead of going to class and studying. But for me, there is something that I find difficult about coming home. You see, when I was home everyday and not gone for a long period of time, I didn't notice things changing. But now, I am noticing that things have changed even since I was home three weeks ago. This may sound silly, but my dog is getting older, and he seems to act more like an old dog every time I come home. He still has some moments where he acts like nothing changed, but those moments are becoming more rare. We've had him since I was in the first grade (I'm a college freshman now) and I love him a lot. It's hard for me to accept the fact that he may not be around much longer.
Other than that, there weren't any other specific changes I could put my finger on, I was just feeling a general sense of uneasiness. I seem to be at a stage of life where I don't feel like a child anymore, but I don't always feel like an adult either
I had been feeling sad about this, but I thought I was handling it pretty well up until Sunday and yesterday. Then I started to feel like to many things were changing. Sitting in church Sunday, I was feeling thankful that whenever I come home, my church is a place I go that I can always count on to be a steady part of my life that's always there and doesn't really change. But then, right as the service was ending, an announcement was made that distorted this image I had of my church being an unchanging place. The thing that was announced will cause a pretty big change in the church, and I feel apprehensive about it. I have changed so much since I started going to this church, and my faith has become a bigger part of my life. It's a place I've always felt very secure. So when this change was announced, I wanted to stand up right then and there, and like the contestants playing that game, shout "That's too much!" I had been experiencing a season of comfort and security in my faith, where everything felt safe and easy. Now I feel like I have entered an uncertain season, and I haven't quite figured out how to handle it.
This change of seasons in my life has humbled me in regards to this blog. I am reminded that just because I know how to write doesn't take away from the fact that sometimes I am uncertain. I could try to put a positive spin on all of this and end this post with a moral that ties it all together, but this time I don't want to do that, so instead, I'll say this. The verse I have chosen to add today reminds me that there is a time for everything, and I'm not so sure what it's time for right now. My faith has been shaken a little bit because of these feelings I have been experiencing these past few days, but it is not gone. I trust that God has a plan for this season of my life, and I will do my best to keep being faithful until I figure out what that plan is.