Tuesday, April 1, 2014

An Epiphany in the Gym

     Today while I was at the gym (attention parents and former physical therapists), I had an epiphany. Cue dramatic music! Yes, readers, I had a mental breakthrough on the exercise bike, and it was a great moment.
     When I got to the gym, I was the only person there, which was nice. I was just getting used to it when I was joined by another girl. Now I'm probably going to make myself sound like a creeper right now, but I promise I was not staring at her. She was in my line of vision and I couldn't help but see her. What I immediately noticed was that she did not look like the kind of person who needed to be working out. She was one of those tall, blonde skinny girls that are usually found in magazines. As she began her workout, I could tell that she was no stranger to the gym. As I sat there pedaling away on that exercise bike, I began having flashbacks to some feelings I had in high school, and old familiar insecurities were creeping up.
     When I was in high school, I was completely jealous of and intimidated by female athletes. To my young ignorant self, they seemed to have it all together. They have a team full of friends, and the adoration of the male population.  Also, high schools glorify athletes. They promote them, praise them, and make them feel important (At least my high school did). Add that to the fact that they were gaining popularity for doing things that I am not physically capable of doing, and you get the mindset that controlled me, the jealous, bitter non-athlete. So when I saw that girl today in the gym, I was starting to have those feelings again. I was comparing myself to her, and feeling pretty bad about my small little workout. But just as I was sinking back into jealousy, the song on my iPod changed and the epiphany began.
     I think there are songs in everyone's life that are very meaningful because they are associated with a certain memory. 10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman is one of those songs for me. It is a song that we listened to frequently in Honduras, and it always takes me back to the trip. It is even more significant because people on the mission team who had been to Honduras before already loved that song, and now have a connection with them because I understand why. Anyway, I'll get to my point.
     As that song played, I was reminded that I am not who I was in high school. I never got the chance to be one of those athletes I envied so much, and I survived anyway. I graduated and got to experience the real world, went to Honduras and discovered who I really am. Some people are athletic, and I am not one of those people. But I have other talents and passions, and I am learning to find confidence in those things. So, I continued with my workout, and felt proud when I was done. It was a great feeling. I am so thankful that the mindset of high school Jennie is a thing of the past. That girl was crazy.

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