Sunday, June 8, 2014

Reality Check

     I am the kind of person that tends to become fixated on things that I get interested in. When I decided to start a blog, I was excited because people actually read it, and several people complimented me on it. Over time however, I started to drift away from my original purpose of writing what I feel is important for me to write and remembering that my ability to write is a gift from God. I began to get frustrated with the lack of increase in my number of readers and tried to promote my blog more than I probably should have. I was starting to forget that this is meant to be a fun and meaningful thing, and that it is not going to launch a revolutionary writing career.
    Flash forward to today as I was sitting in church. Three youth that I have gotten to know had finished their confirmation class and were joining the church. The way they spoke and the things they said were far beyond their years, and I felt almost like a proud older sibling watching these younger youth take such an important step so gracefully and maturely.
    But then, I realized something that I would rather not have. I realized that they are members of the church now, something that I am not. All at once I began to question myself about many things. I have never even been baptized, and I am not a member of the church that I love so much. I had thought about becoming a member this summer, but our pastor who I have become so familiar with is leaving and it doesn't feel like the best time. I began to ask myself what right a person who has never taken these steps of being baptized or joining a church has to write all of these lofty thoughts about my faith and and ask people who know far more than me to read them. What qualifies me to be saying these things and expecting people to accept them?
     I turned these thoughts over in my head for a while. I didn't want to stop the blog, because it is something that I enjoy. I finally came to the conclusion that I should proceed with a more humble approach. True, I have never taken the official steps of publicly affirming my faith, but that does not mean my faith is not real. I hope that the right time will come for me to officially join the church, but for now I am not going to worry about it. I know that I have an ability to write, and using that ability to share my faith the best way I can is what feels like the right thing to do. I do not claim to be an expert on religion, and there is a lot that I do not know. I do however know how to write, and how to talk to God and ask him to guide me in what I say. I am only human, and times like these will happen where I will become discouraged and confused. But these times will pass, and when they do I know I will be glad that I decided not to give up. Thank You for taking the time to read what I write. I am no expert, but I truly do have only the best of intentions from this point forward.

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