I know that my last post was pretty vague, and I guess this one is too, but there are certain things I know I need to be careful about saying when they can be accessed by lots of people. I am hoping to be able to write about other things that are probably more interesting very soon, it just seems odd to ignore this event in a blog that is basically about my life and the things that affect me, so here we go.
I know that life isn't fair. That is something I figured out quite a long time ago. Sometimes, though, it just seems that that point is illustrated in an especially painful way.
Monday, I was unexpectedly "let go" from the job that I started last week because the person in charge of me said that she worried that I couldn't handle the physical requirements. I do not agree with the way the situation was handled, but at the moment I'm not brave enough, and don't think it's the right time, to go into detail on that aspect of the situation. What I will say is that this is a hard thing to deal with, for me and for my family. There are a lot of feelings to process and it's just overall an unpleasant thing to have to think about.
Things like this are hard for me because they require me to think of myself as a disabled person, which I obviously am, but for me it's usually in the background of my mind. Sure I wake up every morning and put my braces on, but for me it's just become a part of my routine and it's not something I really think about., just as you probably don't wake up and spend time considering things about yourself that are just part of who you are, like your height or the color of your eyes. All my life, I have been treated pretty normally by my friends and family. They accept me for who I am and help me when I need it without making a big deal out of it, and I like it that way. But everyone, no matter if they have a disability or not, has to face unfairness at times, and it's never fun.
As a Christian, I am taught to be kind and forgiving and all of those good qualities, but as a human, I would sometimes rather be angry and protest and fight back than act rationally and "be still". I also believe that being a Christian does not mean that I have to let people treat me unfairly and be okay with it, especially in situations where the law may even forbid certain treatment. It is hard for me sometimes to know when to stay quiet and when to speak out. It seems that part of growing up is finding the balance between standing up for myself when I have been treated wrongly and making my voice heard, while remaining as respectful as possible and not becoming mean or trying to seek revenge.
This is an incident that has made me feel hurt, confused, and discouraged and I'm sure it will take me a while to fully process all of my feelings about it. I really enjoyed having a job to go to and being able to see people I knew while earning money, and I wish it didn't end this way. The last thing I want to do is say something I will regret, so I will just keep some of my feelings to myself and try to act maturely as I am speaking about the situation. This has not been a happy time in my life and it will probably always be painful to look back on, but I am hoping that in time I will be able to learn something from all of it and I am trying to believe that this job just wasn't God's plan for me.