From the time children are very young, they are constantly asked what they want to be when they grow up. It's fun when you're little, because you can answer that question without actually having to think much about it. It's not until you get older that people start steering you towards "growing career fields" and large salaries. When you're really young and you say you want to be something silly like a princess, people think it's cute.They don't point out to you that there isn't a monarchy in America, and even if there was, you would have to be born into it. I remember when I was pretty young, I discovered Nancy Drew books at my grandmothers house, and I loved them. For a while I thought it would be really cool to be a detective like her, until I got a little older and realized that she is a fictional character who is constantly in dangerous situations and isn't earning a salary. I figured out that maybe that wasn't the best career path to take, so I moved on. For a while during my early teen years, me and one of my best friends were convinced we were going to start a photography business together, until I eventually realized that that was highly unlikely to work out, so I moved on again. I eventually decided that I wanted to be a writer, and I decided that journalism was what I wanted to pursue. I stayed with that for a long time, and really enjoyed it. But then, I started to realize that journalism isn't what it used to be. It's being taken over by social media and technology, which isn't a bad thing, but not what I pictured.
Deciding to consider careers outside of Journalism was a difficult decision for me. It was a dream that I became very attached to and worked hard at, so changing my mind about it was scary. So here I am today, trying to figure out what my path will be in life. Suddenly teaching feels like a good choice, which confuses me because that's something I never even thought about before last summer. ( I guess that's what happens when you go on a mission trip with teachers!) But I also admire the way my mother stayed home and raised me for 16 years, and when I have children I think I want to raise them that way. I also don't want to give up writing, because I love it and I find satisfaction in it. Writing helps me process my thoughts, and helps me feel calm and clear headed. Oh and by the way, how do you get to be the person who names the nail polish colors? I think that would be so fun. (Okay so I'm joking about that last one..kind of.)
So suddenly here I am at almost 19 years old, and I'm not entirely sure what I want to do with my life. That makes me feel strange, because I'm not good with waiting. I want to know what the goal is right now, so that I know what steps I need to take to get there. I want to know if I'm ever going to get married, so I can figure out if the stay at home mom thing is even an option. I worry that I won't ever pass all of the classes I need or get the GPA I need to continue to a 4 year school. I want to know for certain that I am choosing a path that I can be happy with, because careers are pretty much for life. Thankfully, I have my parents to calm my overactive mind and remind me to focus on short term goals that will make the long term goals possible.My mom is really good at helping me understand what needs to be done in the present, in order for my future plans to be possible. I remember when I was still in high school and my dad took me to look at a college that was out of state that I had heard was a good journalism school. We looked around for a while, but I just had a weird feeling about it. He pointed out what I was already starting to realize, that it was going to be way too expensive unless I got lots of money from the government for things I don't feel right getting money for. ( I don't believe I should get paid for having a disability.) I also probably wouldn't even get into that school with the low GPA I had. I'm pretty sure he knew that I wouldn't want to use the "getting money" option, and now I realize that he probably knew when he took me there that I wouldn't be attending that school. But when we got back in the car after looking around, he told me something that I will never forget. I don't remember exactly what words he used, but he said that no matter what I thought I wanted to do or tried to do, God's plan for me is what would ultimately end up happening. I thought that was such a profound thing to say, and it was a moment that has stuck with me ever since. He also told me that he wanted to be happy with what I did, and that was more important than how much money I made.
I constantly have to remind myself that God's plan is bigger than what is happening in my life at a particular moment. When I am panicking about everything falling into place and knowing what the end result will be, He is trying to prepare me for what he has planned for later. It's frustrating for my impatient mind to be still and wait, but I am trying to get better at that. I'm learning to live in today, and let God take care of tomorrow. I bet He has a pretty great career picked out for me.