What I Don't Believe

 

 There are some feelings that should be kept private and not broadcast over the internet. That is something that can easily be forgotten when feelings are really strong and it's so easy to just carelessly type something without thinking much about it. Since I've started this blog, Iv'e tried to be very careful about being mature about what I say and I try not to publish a post before praying about it, because I don't want to get so caught up in my own love of writing that I say something out of line. There has been a topic I have wanted to blog about for a long time that I have always been afraid too because I don't know what people will think, but I feel like now is the time. I don't have that many readers right now, and I doubt any of you are particularly concerned with arguing with a blog written by and 18 year old, so after a lot of thought and prayer, I'm just going to do it.
     When I was about 16, I started encountering a situation that, for lack of better words, really freaked me out. I was at the age where I finally had a license and could go places by myself, so that's probably why it started happening around that time.The first time I remember it happening is in the locker room at the YMCA. I was minding my own business, doing what you do in a locker room, when I was approached by a woman who handed me a little piece of paper and invited me to her church to be "healed".  Now I want to remind you that I had never seen this woman before in my life, and I was minding my own business trying to get dressed so I could go home, not to mention I was only 16 or 17 years old. I had no idea what to say, so I just mumbled something and got out of there as fast as I could.
     This type of situation has happened again several times, most frequently in Wal-Mart, and here's why I have issues with it. A stranger approaching a teenager for any reason is already slightly awkward, but the fact that people feel the need to go out of their way to tell me that there is something wrong with me that they have noticed and want to fix just seems downright rude to me. By inviting me to these "healings", people are essentially saying that God has told them that my disability needs to be taken away from me, and that he for some reason needs their help in this process.
     The way I see it is this. God does not make mistakes, and he didn't accidentally give me this disability. Even though I don't know what it is, I know there is a reason for it. Furthermore, if he decided to take it away from me, I don't think he would need to enlist the help of other people. Being put in this awkward situation at such a young age was a very uncomfortable situation for me. I didn't know how to react to being approached by strangers about something I didn't consider to be any of their business in the first place. Had I not had this experience, I might me a little more likely to believe in "healing" if I was someone else with a different life, but because of the circumstances, it is not something that I have any faith in. I believe that God can heal people if he wants to, but at this point in my life I don't agree with people who feel that they need to be part of this process. It has been a struggle for me to understand this situation, because I know that there are many people who strongly believe in this concept, but I just don't agree. I have just had to learn to accept that it is a situation that I am probably always going to encounter from time to time, and stand by my beliefs about it. Having to put a lot of careful thought into determining my beliefs about a situation like this has taught me a lot about my faith. I do not feel like I am being disobedient by having these beliefs, and I feel proud when I can present them maturely and be confident about them.